29/03/2011

Dear Diary,

It has been a difficult couple of weeks, I feel so alone, like nobody actually gives a darn!

I have a social worker, support worker, G.P, consultant, occupational therapist, physiotherapist and carers but I feel like I am just a number, a list they go through ticking their boxes do they really care?

My social worker I only see her when she has to keep her records updated, my support worker has been ill for about two months and soon because of funding will be leaving, my G.P is a star bless but he has soo many patients to see, my consultant I can hardly understand what she says I see her every 3 months, my occupational therapist is a star but they change so often I never know where I am and my physiotherapist thinks I can do all these exercises and must work through the pain.

It is fast becoming too much I just wish to find a cure so I can have a normal life.

The pain has been unbearable this week and I have been going through issues with my work that have really not helped.

Not having that extra support with my disability living allowance has not helped but there is nothing I can do except re-apply and get updated support letters in with my application.  I am due to have HOME START in as of Friday and extra support from a carers agency as my mobility has been really bad, I do think it is because of all the mental stress I am under.  I really have been down and not able to pick myself up, I am putting my mother in charge of my affairs she is the only one I can trust.

I've had to put in for a drivers license change as I cannot drive a manual car anymore and I will have to put other modifications in.  This made me feel the pressure, I cannot believe that things have become so difficult I never thought my life was going to be like this at 32.  I spend alot of time in bed, not being able to do much, I can't even make it to the local shop on foot anymore.  That has been a hard pill to swallow.

I was thinking the other day that if an animal was suffering they would think it cruel and want to put them out of their misery, who will put me out of mine?