07/03/2011

Dear Diary,

It has been one heck of a week, I started the week off in tears discussing how best my son can go forward with Chidren Social Services following the discrimination he recieved whilst attending 'The Cathedral School'.  As he is registered as a young carer he is considered a 'Child In Need' however there has been minimal support from them in my opinion they could do better.  So I was anxious but relieved about my son travelling to London to spend time with his father and sibblings. 

I had the opportunity to meet and interview the R&B superstar Mario who was cheeky and delightful, the crowd were going crazy over him, this always concerns me as these stars are just human they eat and use the bathroom like every other person does if you cut them they bleed the same.  For me though I was attracted to his bodyguard who was a dark chocolate delight to look at muscles in all the right places I was in a dilemma with my faith however, and pondered; it's human for me to be attracted to males its animal instinct nature however am I lusting? So I called my Pastor today for clarification and what she told me was it is ok to admire and think "wow he is beautiful" and pray to God saying Lord when I have a husband if it be your will let him look like him, however to crave and desire to be sexual with them is the actual sin of lusting but looking and admiring is not actual lust. But either way I must be careful, cos I might find myself staring at pics of Chris Brown all day Lol!

So it was the 54th Ghana Independence Celebrations I fell asleep and missed covering the Part 1 for my blog 'Black Britian is Beautiful' however, I went to the Part 2 celebrations in the ONLY African restaraunt in Cardiff  'TRIBE TRIBE' and it was so delightful there I am making that my regular spot fortnightly; the service, the decor, the atmosphere and the food were all fantastic. I have never really been one for wanting to try African food I had my reservations but for journalistic purposes once I saw there 'Goat Pepper Soup' come through the doors I just had to try it and it was yummy, peppery but lovely I was braving the pepper because it tasted soo good lol.

Then I headed to 'The Cougar Lounge' to support my mate Schwarz who was organising the Ghana Independence celebrations for his company 'Blaqbone Media' I went there with my girl Nat and we had a blast after which we all headed down to the 411 for Part 3 I was being offered Champagne so I thought half a glass may not be an issue well I was tipsy so no alcohol for me ever again and I just remember swaying my head and all my hair falling out and sharing a celebratory kiss (no tongues) with my Mums ex-student which was sweet he is a dream but must never happen again dangerous ground.

Once we left it was a nightmare to get my very tipsy friend Nat to the car she became 'Chun Li' when this guy made a threat to another one of our entourage and was about to drop kick this guy, I quickly realised this would not be happening if I were in church and I felt a little guilty the next day for not representing God better, but I know he understands I am human however I will try to do better in the future.

Sadly things did not go to plan for my son due to personal circumstances of sleeping arrangements but hopefully next month will go ahead and he will get the opportunity to be with his family in London again.  Part of me was glad to have him home with me because I would have missed my munchkin too much, however part of my was annoyed and started to regret being dependant on people for support at times because of the fact when they let you down it is hurtful but when they let your children down it has a knock on effect CJ has been through so much I just want him to have stability! 

Anyway just gonna keep playing the UCB Gospel channel and it is so motivational and helps me to see the positives always put your trust in God he knows best everything happens for a reason whatever will be will be and all of that.  I wish I could see the future and what it holds for my son I just want things to be perfect for him, I wish I could turn back the clock and give him the perfect life he deserves, he is growing so fast and I am trying to stop the years from going by sooo quickly but he is a sweetheart and deserves the best life can offer.  So Lord please keep your eyes on him and send you angels to keep him in all your ways xx