09/08/2012

Dear Diary,

Woke up this morning with swollen right hand and numbness in my finger tips and left foot.  I spent a couple of hours with my friend and her new-born baby girl yesterday, I took so many photos, I felt like the paparazzi LOL. I realised when I am focused on other things, I become distracted from the pain I'm in which helps me to relax.  Also I didn't wish to have any negative vibes around this angel from heaven.

It was nice to be around positive people I will miss her as she lives far away, and is like a footballers wife constantly having to relocate.  I made sure to take plenty of pictures so I can reminisce when she's gone, it also helped me to remember what CJ was like when he was a baby, how vulnerable children are and why they rely on us as parents to give good direction.

It was encouraging reading my UCB daily devotional yesterday, I've been going through so much turmoil mentally with the turn of events this weekend, yesterday I just took a me day.

I couldn't go into the radio station as I was still quite emotional.  However I completed little tasks as my physiotherapist has advised and it really helped.  I was able with my carers support to shower and dress.  Put some clothes on and go outside in the sun.  I really thank God that I have my legs back as I call them, a mobility scooter and car, because I am able to drive to my Mum's and enjoy the freedom and I can walk the dogs, whilst in my scooter, which is fantastic.  I'm trying to focus on the things I can do, and less on the things I can't and, I wish to enjoy life.

My good day yesterday, has really helped my mood today, it was just what the doctor ordered, talking with my carer, family and friends, really has helped to uplift me, and although I am in pain, my spirit is well. Ultimately my mothers constant prayers are keeping me.  So I also did what she advised and cried out in prayer telling God, "you said a broken and a contrite heart you will not despise and I'm broken Lord please fix me" the darkness overshadowing the home was lifted.  I felt better.  I am most proud of the fact I didn't self harm at all yesterday too, I listened to the advice of my Occupational Therapist, and found another way to cope.  I just hope I will always be able to cope in this way, with God's help.

I'm looking forward to today, my aim is to enjoy the sun as it should be a hot day today.  Chill with the puppies and my son, and do some more writing.

UCB Words of Encouragement: 

"You can be purpose-driven and convince people that their only value to you is in what they contribute. When it comes to your 'spirit,' you need a regular check-up." 'Love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be the sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful' (Luke 6:35-36 NKJV). Such words bring us to our knees, for we fall far short of practising them. "Little is much in the eyes of God...Less is sometimes more...cheap is often more expensive...ah no everyting good fi eat good fi talk" Mum