31/05/2012

Dear Diary,

Yucky!

Feeling extremely sh**ty today!  My neck, and hands are hurting so badly, I'm trying to go as long as possible without touching the Fibromyalgia pain meds as I hate the negative side effects, but I can only rub so much Ibuprofen gel into my hands and I'll look like a patch quilt if i put anymore Lidocaine patches on.

I had a really rough night and I think all the stress of yesterday did not help.  I woke up feeling like I had not slept at all, I don't know why I allow people to really get to me, but I do!  My step-mother always used to say to me "never allow people to draw you into their madnesses" easier said than done at times, especially as we need every kind of people to make the world go around.

I'm really considering living the remainder of my years as a recluse, in my home with my dogs and never going out again! I absolutely find it unbearable to be around negative people, however, negative people have needs to and they need to be encouraged and the positivity that exists deep inside them persuaded to come forth. My Mum always tells me to "kill em with kindness" and that's exactly what I intend to do!

In times like this when I'm going through feeling like the people surrounding me are not working with me, but against me I think of the Sunday school story of Joseph and his technicoloured dream coat, how jealousy made his own brothers sell him out! How he still succeeded but then when he was regaining some type of life he was innocently thrown into jail for an alleged sexual assault! Irrespective he rose to the top, by thinking of others and not himself, when the opportunity arose for him to take revenge against his brothers with all the wealth and power he had he forgave them, loved them and embraced them into his kingdom.

I do believe that a change will come for me I just have to remain faithful that Jehovah my God, my Lord, my King my everything will watch over me and see me through, after all "his eye is on the sparrow and I know he watches over me"