15/02/11

Dear Diary,

The Red Ball and Red Party was amazing we raised £401.00 at the last count so I am very pleased.

I am proud of my community and people who turned up to support my grandfathers foundation on the night.

I was so glad to see my family turn out.  I had an unexpectingly nice time with my Dad and his wife at the end of the evening too it was so relaxed!

However people, people, people are so not easy for me to deal with, I do not know where to begin.

I feel battered and bruised, I really do not feel I am best equipt when liaising with people as I have a tolerance level of three strikes and out.  I find people demanding.  They are takers, without giving back much.

I have been trying so hard, grieving over my gramps, struggling with my disability, the way in which it slows me down, causes me pain and frustration, and so when I see some people, how they are able bodied and so self absorbed it gets me real frustrated.  Sometimes they just act like it is all about them spitting their dummy out of a pram saying "me, me, me its all about me!"

One of my colleagues said they can tell a few of the people are not here to support the actual cause but for their ten minutes of fame during the event.  That saddens me, a. because I do not want people to have that perception of the people surrounding me (show me your company and all of that) b. because when you give it is not to receive you are just blessed for the fact you gave c. the objective of the foundation is to support people who are less fortunate to achieve their goals by learning about people who are even more less fortunate then them, teaching them the values of health and strength. 

Leading up to the ball I had so many things to do and felt unsupported by the people I most needed support from and supported by the people I least expected to receive support from.  People who really suprised me were one of my fashion designers showcasing her fashions Genaya Parris, my P.A Sarah, my Administrator Soffie, my Events Co-ordinator Lloyd and my Mums husband Barnes.  Everyone did their bit it could not have been a success without ALL of the people who rallied around me.

But for every Ying there is a Yang, I was let down by a couple of people who I have known of since childhood, by certain family members, and by people who I have been nothing but kind, giving and generous to.

I made some lasting friendships out of this however and I have gained valuable experience and knowledge.

On to the next one Comic Relief LEEEGO!

Oops nearly forgot to thank God for keeping me, for blessing me and causing his face to shine upon me, gonna make more time for him today I am not perfect you know just trying and if I am going to be around the public they will keep a close eye on me, they will expect me to conduct myself in a certain way, and they will talk about me if I do not step up my game.