24/04/2013

Dear Diary,

When you receive a blessing you know there's always going to be a testing afterwards.  

Following my sons award he had a trial having to deal with hatred from someone he would have least expected it from.  But with "God in the vessel we can smile at the storms".

Needless to say this had an effect on my I was extremely depressed and wondered to myself why is it when you do good for people they turn around and be so spiteful and turn into a enemy, but it was quite obvious to me that these young ladies were never friends of my son's to begin with they were 'frenemies'.

Nothing he ever did was good enough for them, if he was getting advertisement for the show on a national scale that was an issue, if he was trying to organise a surprise interview with a celebrity that was an issue, if he was trying to organise a training session for something he didn't feel confident in that was an isssue.

Then they took it a step further to accuse him of 'picking on disabled people' when he gave a compliment on how intelligent people with Autism are in comparison to the average person.  I think they need to take a look at this link:  http://autismmythbusters.com/general-public/famous-autistic-people/

But moving on that made me so ill, I was waking up in sweats, having nightmares and panick attacks about him being safe in the same environment as them because when girls tell lies on boys unfortunately it can be quite dangerous because the boy is seen as guilty until proven innocent.

Glory be to God he has made a way so that my son has to have no contact with these young ladies anymore, and can carry on with his endevours to raise awareness of young carer roles.

Bringing me to today, I'm so low in positive thinking after this happened my belief in human beings being good people went right down hill, the old man of me just wanting to stay at home and shut the outside world out not leaving my home came back, it's so easy to want to fall back into agoraphobia and self pity.  But I felt the strength to fight reciting an old sunday school scripture "Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God, Blessed are the pure in heart..." I silently prayed for God to help me and he answered my prayers.

I'm so low on finances it's unbelievable, I have no internet connection, outgoing calls, or TV channels, I had to prioritise food this week.  My son is eating much and growing fast, so fast that he has grown out of his black tie suite jacket and is due to go to an awards ceremony where he will be presenting the cheque to his chosen charity. I prayed and God found a way someone gave me the exact amount of money I needed for the jacket not even knowing my need.

Thank you Daddy Jesus

So even though I feel pain, have days when I'm so depressed I can't get out of the house and all I want to do is feel sorry for myself and cry, I know my redeemer lives.