20/04/2013

Dear Diary,

I had a lot of back and leg pain yesterday, but CJ helped by putting some ointment on called "Rubb" I was then feeling quite low in spirit last night and this morning.

I woke up listened to some gospel music, and asked God to give me a scripture to uplift me for the situation I'm going through at the moment.

It's hard for me to be civil when people are selfish to children, it especially effects me when it's my child they be selfish to.  Yesterday a situation happened that was quite unkind, I'm unsure of the motives behind it, whether I'm reading too much into it or not but you know when you just have a gut feeling.

But God is so continually good to me and my family he opened another door and CJ got an opportunity to meet up with Akai, who was in Cardiff for the debut of his new film "All Stars".

CJ, Akai, Theo and Schwarz

Remember I told you when one door closes another door opens.  We met him last year through my previous employer and friend Dean who is the Director of a music awards ceremony in Birmingham.

As I had not treated myself to a birthday celebration in a long time, I paid for 10 tickets which cost nearly £500.  I wanted to do two things support my friends business, promote the radio station and have a lovely evening, as I'm getting too old for clubbing and it's never really been my thing I'm more of an arts/performing arts person myself. 

The actually people I chose to bring with me were people I admired.  I'm not the best judge of character it would seem, as out of nine of those people I'm only now close to five.  What pains me more as I'm quite a sensitive gal is that, two of those persons are being quite sneaky in their ways and seemingly trying to kill my sons spirit.  I could be wrong as when one has Fibromyalgia are emotions are all over the place, and paranoia can set in. So rather than as I would usually do think negatively, I did as David said in Psalms "Looked to the hills from whence cometh my help, my help cometh from the Lord who created heaven and earth".

I prayed and asked God for an encouraging word and randomly opened my bible to Proverbs 1 and the verse that stayed in my heart was:

"Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser.

    Let those with understanding receive guidance

⁶ 

by exploring the meaning in these proverbs and parables,

    the words of the wise and their riddles.

Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge,

    but fools despise wisdom and discipline.

My child, if sinners entice you,

    turn your back on them!

don’t go along with them!

    Stay far away from their paths.

If a bird sees a trap being set,

    it knows to stay away.

But these people set an ambush for themselves;

    they are trying to get themselves killed.

¹⁹ 

Such is the fate of all who are greedy for money;

    it robs them of life."

I found this encouraging to know that I was not being paranoid people know my character and know how to push my buttons and so for me, the right thing to do is leave it in the master's hand who knows how to still troubled waters.  However God in turn warned me as he loves me so does he love my enemies equally as we are all God's children.  I then had this scripture Proverbs 24  which read: 

"Don’t rejoice when your enemies fall;

    don’t be happy when they stumble.

For the Lord will be displeased with you

    and will turn his anger away from them. 

Don’t fret because of evildoers;don’t envy the wicked.

For evil people have no future;

the light of the wicked will be snuffed out."

God has and is doing so many marvelous things in mine and my son's life I can't afford to doubt his power and abilities my weeping endured for a night but joy came in the morning.  We have had many hard times and there will be more to come which I pray God prepare me for, however when God is ready to bless me and my family the whole world sees it and it's not because of my self promotion it's because all praise all glory for what me and my family receive belongs to God and I thank you Jesus for being there for me when no one else is, when others turn their backs on me and my family.  In times of loneliness at night when I feel like crying in my pillow I feel your warmth and comfort. Even if I feel alone I was raised by a woman of God who has taught me that "you promised never to leave me, never to leave me alone"