06/05/2013

Dear Diary,

This weekend has been a really rough ride. Fibromyalgia won this round.  

I took tramadol, morphine sulphate and could still feel the pain, then had to take tramadol slow release and use ibuprofen gel and Nigerian Rubb. Guess what? Still the pain could be felt like a numb toothache.  I felt like I was in labour with no baby to show at the end of the pain.  But tapping myself on the back because I didn't cry, I just spoke positively to myself and did some breathing exercises and slept right through Sunday.

My champs medal

So thankful for my sons support he went food shopping, made me breakfast and dinner.  My Mum stopped by after church which I didn't even recall because I was dosed up to the eyeballs she had a plate of Chicken, Rice & Peas, she said she spke with me but all I did was mumble.  My carers came too, which I didn't recall till I saw one of them today, she said I was out of it.

On the Sunday CJ had a martial arts tournament in Swansea, his first one I wanted to be there so much but was too ill too travel.  Needless to say I was and am so proud of him, he's my piece of heaven, he makes me laugh when I want to cry and he is determine to try.  When one door closes God opens another one and although so many sad things have happened over these past few weeks/months for him, but he never gives up.  He got a bronze medal.

I actually hope that one day if he ever reads these diary entries he'll know just how proud of him I am, and how much I love him.

Still feeling the burn today but I hope I'm through the worst of it as I have a sweet 16 birthday to plan in only 10 days my little big man will be 16.  Where have all the years gone?  I remember talking to him in my belly, giving birth, his first steps, his first words, his first smile, his first day at school, and his first fall, when he needed me.  Now as the years go on I feel like I need him more and more, I look forward to the day I will not be a burden to him and he either goes to college or university and can lead a life as a young man instead of a young carer.  But until then I'm grateful, eternally grateful for every little thing he does to help and support me. :)