Kim Burrell Sings For Whitney Houston (Funeral) A Change is Going To Com...

Dear Diary,


Yesterday was a real tough day for me, depression weighed me down, I felt like giving up, throwing in the towel, if it wasn't for a mother's love, the love my mother has for me, the love i have for my son, I know today would not have seen me.


Reaching out to ask for help when your feeling like you can't take anymore of what life is throwing at you can be ever so embarassing.  Allowing people to hear your deepest darkest thoughts of despair by opening up your bleeding heart for all to hear it beat as you feel your life is draining away can be so so so tough.  But although I am feeling so low I want to encourage you to hang on a change will come.  You are loved, you are valued, focus on your loved ones and not the negatives in your life, focus on what you can contribute to life, how you can help others if you can't help yourself.


So many people are dying, my Uncle has been given a few short weeks to live he is dying of Cancer, what he would exchange to be blessed as I am to wake up and know I may see tomorrow, I'm sure if he could take me in his arms and shake me he would tell me you must not give up life is so precious.


I know my change will come I just have to hold out a little while longer, see my son grow into a loving husband, father and successful business man aiming to make heaven his home.  I pray God continue to watch over him and heal my broken heart and mind because I am blessed every day that I'm living I am blessed.

21/02/12

Dear Diary,

Having quite a stressful start to my week.  My previous mobility social worker has had to leave due to unforseen circumstances, and it would seem that Pharoah has hardened his heart like when Moses was in 

Egypt appealing for the Israelites to be freed from bondage.  My Pharoah in my life is the new management that has been put in place.  There are so many restrictions set by the government due to lack of funding that it has led to me the client suffering.  

Everybody involved in my care should be aware of how unnecessary stress has an impact on my Fibromyalgia symptoms, and yet it seems this is disregarded.  

I do appreciate there are people worse of than me having priority needs. I am grateful for any support I have, but what is not appreciated is changes in my normal routine because of ignorance to knowledge that has been received by social services from medical professionals.  Supporting letters with regard to the effects of PTSD, Depression and Fibromyalgia have been written over and over again and sent to them, but still it seems like this is disregarded.  People are just human, but when you take on a job role you have studied to do at degree level, and been trained in, the norm should be to execute that job role to the best of your ability and in line with government standards.  If not step aside for someone else to do your job role who can carry out these duties with better people skills.  

It would help if social workers were to accompany care support workers and see the difficulties they face on a day to day basis, then report this back to their managers, who in turn should be thinking first for the health and safety of a client and fighting for their needs to be taken care of.

However I get the feeling that with the recession, lack of funding and constant increase in work loads everybody is getting it from all angles and this is affecting their job performance.  I just wonder if things will get better or worse, or worse before they get better.  Even so I feel like I'm going around in circles and it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to hold on.

My son is feeling the impact of the lack of support now so something has to definitely be done.

In the words of a Whitney Houston song who sadly passed away Lord "I look to you...and when all my strength is gone...I look to you" help.